so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
