Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
