I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
