Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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