Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
