I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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