If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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