Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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