I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
