The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
