ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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