No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
