my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
