Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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