Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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