Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
