I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
