I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
