She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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