Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
