but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize