i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
