I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize