He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
