she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
