They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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