My first STD was from a foam party
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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