I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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