I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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