Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize