I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
