If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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