How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
