If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
