Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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