Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I can text with my tongue
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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