guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
