I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize