I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
