Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think your dad took our porno
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
