Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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