I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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