problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
