pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
