This dress was meant to end up on your floor
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
