ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
