I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
