I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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