Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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