very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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