there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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