first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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