Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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