I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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