the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
