It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
