im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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