Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize