Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Drunk is not a location!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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