I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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