he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
