Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
