the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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