If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
