she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
