I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
