Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
