I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
